So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
