so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
