Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
