its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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