the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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