I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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