i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
