He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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