I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
