DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
