Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
