I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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