Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
