apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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