they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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