i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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