Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
