Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
