its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
