She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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