He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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