How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
