I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
