before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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