She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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