my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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