seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
