i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
