Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
