I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
