his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
