I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
