You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
