I want you more than these girls want KFC
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
