I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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