i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They have beer where we have blood.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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