My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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