Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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