The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
