3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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