I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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