Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
two words...techno handjob
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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