Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
