I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
