Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
