By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
