i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
