and next time when you feel me up, do it right
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
