JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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