i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
