a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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