I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
